Sunday 17 August 2014

Why do men cheat ?...

Why do men cheat?

It has come to my attention over and over again that men cheat, cheat and cheat. When is enough, enough? Why have women become acclimatized to the idea that men are always going to cheat no matter what, that is okay to have a 'matey' or a 'side chick' just hanging around disturbing and at times, unraveling what took precious moments to build...

Now don't get me wrong, we women are no angels either..but it has become evident to me that it is now the 'norm' for a man to have two or more women in his experiencial circle at a time, and he gets no backlash or qualms about it..he actually gets high fives from his friends and a pat on the back which further puffs up his bloated ego. He feels like he is 'the man' and tells his boys about his experience so that their tongues are wagging at the next woman that walks by, eager to experience that 'the man' feeling. But where does it lead, if not only to a black book full of names of women he barely knows and a puffed up ego ready to blow...

Now tell me men, is it worth it to have a woman who sticks by you through thick and thin, a woman who you connect to on so many levels, be forced to pack up her emotions and her baggage to leave - because you just wanted one more stroke of your ego?

Now let's get to the core of the ego, what misrepresented feelings and experiences causes men to go searching for unending approval...Is it because you think your dick is not big enough? You feel the need to prove to yourself that you can still get it up? Or, are you just filling up your 'worthy' cup? Don't get me wrong, I'm not here trying to bash you, just trying to figure out why you MUST stare at the other women around you when the baddest one standing right by you...You been together 14 years for a reason, so for once don't let your penis do all the thinking for you..

If men could go beyond the physical that they are so densely immersed in, and see that their worth doesn't lie in the amount of women they've fucked, tore up, laid it down on..but actually the worthiness, this approval they seek goes much further than skin deep. As beyonce said, "It's the soul that needs the surgery".

Now if a man is quite content with himself, and his integrity is 100% when he goes around with all these women, so be it. BUT, just make sure you are honest with your 'main chick', your 'wifey', make sure she knows what the deal is and then it is up to her to stay or go. I find that alot of the hurt in relationship from a cheating spouse doesn't necessarily come from the act of cheating, it comes from the feeling of trust being broken. And so we find that cheating is highly associated to lying. But why lie about something that you enjoy doing...tell your partner so that if she wants to enjoy similar experiences, she can too.. I smirk as I write this line because now men are like, "what?..she's going out doing to me what I'm doing to her!" That's a no-no.
Such double-standard, wanting to dish it, but not willing to accept it. And why? Well the answer is quite simple. Having his woman go about with other men, isn't quite satisfying to his ego. He doesn't have that puffed up feeling anymore cause he is no longer the only recipient of his woman's love or affection, and with that he feels dwindled, less powerful, less important. These kind of scenarios show us exactly what cheating is associated or attached to.
It is directly connected to love. Cheating is a misconstrued version of love and eventually men grow out of the cheating phase when they realize that the false love and worthiness that comes from cheating and puffing up their egos, is only a temporary condition.. Until this realization, the cycle only continues.
This is quite understandable because no-one can love anybody or anything completely until they have learned to fully love their own self.

And ironically, our men have been taught not to love themselves. They have been taught to hide their feelings and emotions, to be hard faced and tough soldiers. So no wonder they end up searching for love in millions of bed covers..

It's time to revamp our men, let them know it is okay to love. It is okay to share their feelings, it is okay to feel vulnerable. This will promote more openness and truthfulness, less awkward early morning rollovers, and the decline of cheating husbands and boyfriends..

Live Love Learn ~ and repeat with more understanding and wisdom in the next round ~


Ramblings of a woman...


Friday 7 March 2014

Black Woman Thunder

Why are we depicted as angry?
Why are we depicted as ugly?
Why are we depicted as less than what we ought to be?

One could go on to say that no one really thinks this way, that it is all in my head. So why are the black women who are ahead of the game celebrated so? As if what they are doing isn't something normal. As if it really isn't something that should be status quo.

Frankly I'm not surprised anymore when a black woman steps out of the shadows because we natural queens of class and thunder could have never been pushed under much longer. So when I see a black woman taking and making strides, I just smile with content heart-felt pride.

Black woman you are strong.
Black woman you get along.
Black woman you are love.
Black woman you are sent from the heavens above.
Black woman you are ordained to be whatever you, in your dreams, wish to be.

No, you don't have straight, blond hair but you do got short black hair.
No, you don't have narrow feet and you don't look petite, but you have wide grounded feet that fit the shape of your hips.
And no you are not ugly, you are not angry. You are just fed up with society. And sometimes that frustration finds itself looking like you deem yourself unworthy, and all the time being trodded on has caused you to outlash. I understand black woman. I understand. You are tired of second guessing, bad naming, hair taming and god knows, man stealing.

Well look here now, now you coming to recognize that no one can take your pride, that no one is to blame, that queen has always been your first name. Now you let bygones be bygones, and those that can't forget..well they can just step, step out the way 'cause the black woman is here and now today, ready to claim her dreams, her life, her love, her victory that is ordained from above.

Ain't no other way for it be.

So when you see me,black woman, on that stage looking pretty in my nappy curls, don't stare and wonder and start to ponder. Just know that it's the black woman thunder ;)

Thursday 20 February 2014

Fear..friend or foe

Fear. The one thing standing between many and their dreams. The automatic clenching and tightening of parts of the body.. but also the enhancement of the body, the bringing about of heightened states of awareness.
Fear is actually an imaginary force that grips millions of souls..fear is the lack of knowing of the unknown. No one fears what they already know, we only fear what we think we do not know, what we are not used to. And to think that it is out of this place of the unknown that the most beautiful, most ingenious things are born.

So, is fear our friend or foe?

Every one feels fear at some moment in life, and for some of us it pops up more times than we would like. So, how does one overcome fear? Is it something to overcome? or is it something to understand? And if so, how does one understand the role of fear and use it to their advantage?

In a TEDx video I watched a few months ago, two of my former university mates discussed how we can go about harnesssing the power of fear. And one important thing they mentioned is that 'we are taught/programmed to fight fear; but how can we fight something that is innate, something that is outside of our control because it happens automatically.'
That statement now brings me to question whether we are really born with fear or is it something that is learned? A way of being that is developed over the years from our experiences and our environments. Let me give an example, I am terrified of lizards but I can easily touch or hold a snake..what is the difference? They are both reptiles with similar feel to the skin..but for some odd reason I fear lizards. Now re-tracing this fear, I end up going back to a memory of my mom screaming and jumping around at the sight of a lizard..and what do I do at the sight of a lizard? Well, now I can calmly stare at it and try to shoo it through the window, but before these calmer days I would react quite similar to my mother - screaming, jumping on the bed and eventually running out of the room. Now, is it just a coincidence that my mother and I are terrified of lizards, and react (or used to react) the exact same way at the sight of even the tail? I don't believe in coincidence, everything happens for a reason; and the reason I used to jump around and scream at the sight of a lizard, is because my mom did. As a child I learned that behaviour. I learned that reaction to lizards. By witnessing my mother's reaction to something I did not know, I automatically learned that I was supposed to jump and scream whenever I see this tiny four legged creature.

Now you try, think of something you fear and see if it is connected to a learned response..one that automatically happens, because that is all you have ever known to do in that particular situation.
So, we can say that fear can be learned and if it can be learned, it can be unlearned or transformed.

Yup, this is where I ask the question again. Is fear our friend or foe? or both?
I would say that fear is neither friend or foe..it is whatever you choose it to be. Let's think about it, a friend is someone you embrace, you accept. A foe is usually someone that is kept at a distance and watched carefully and at times there is a fight. Which do you see fear as, friend or foe? And which would you rather see fear as?

With knowledge and insight like this, we can make a conscious choice to be-friend our fears. To accept them, embrace them and eventually transform them from images that scare and weaken us to images to strengthen and empower us. And you what, the more we look at fear as our friend, the more we realize that there is nothing to fear and the feeling of fear becomes transmuted and connected to a more positive reaction or action.

So here is a challenge..
Turn that fear of change, fear of love, fear of losing, fear of not being right, fear of being hurt, fear of not being all that you want to be, fear of darkness..turn that fear into the acceptance of the possibility of these things by embracing change, embracing love, embracing loss, embracing being wrong, embracing being hurt, embracing that you might not be all that you want to be, embracing the darkness within and all around..embrace and accept those things. Once you have embraced and accepted these things, only then can you move around them, see beyond them and forge a new reality that is no longer tainted by the fears but now empowered by them.

A friend of mine had a post with this quote from Marianne Williamson, 'Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us.'

I believe it is so very true. We must embrace the fear of being all powerful, accept it and use it to empower our lives and that of others.

Embrace the fears, Empower many lives.

Love & Light to all,

Tora

Sunday 9 February 2014

Man & Man, Man & Nature.. similar or different?

In this day and age of great unknowns, we must stand united and not divided.

Ever since I can remember, there has been teachings indicating and disecting how separate man and nature are. Growing up, we learned all about the human body and the fact that their are two genders, male and female. We also learn that we are surrounded by other beings, though we relate to them as things. Things that are not as good or smart as us, humans. This presents the first stage of separation. As man starts thinking that he is the great one to all else, he no longer sees the need to respect them fully because they are here to serve him, that is their duty after all... Such a disdain ordeal which leads to a misconstrued view of life and society.
Not only is there competition for things - animals, plants, minerals and even the air we breathe, now there is competition between man and him self. An unending battle to reach the 'gold' at the end of the topsy turvy rainbow, which in my view is living life in true happiness and abundance in every way, with no time to consider that there is more than enough 'gold' to go around for us all.

This 'gold' we seek is not ordained for only one type of species, not for just one type of human being but this 'gold' that we all seek is truly within everything we see. Dare I say that plants, animals, and all other livings beings have a path to that which we seek. It is simply unseen. It is all truly found in the natural rhythm of just being.

So what does this all mean?

It means that separation of any kind is a figment of the imagination, an illusion clouded by misunderstandings. Misunderstandings that lead to destruction of our planet. Is this the future that we are planning?

Many people would say no, and then go back to the ways that they have been taught to know. To truly understand the cruxs of all this, we must understand that nature does not dismiss, does not diminish but includes and embraces all her scared beings

So we, humans, speak of a superior being, a king being ruler of all that he sees. This is so very far from the great divine truth we all innately seek.

The truth is that every living thing, include our planet, Gaia, is filled with universal coding and it is called DNA. DNA is the common thread, it holds its place in every species and so we are all comprised of the very same things. Compounds of DNA - A,C,T,G - connected in rings and spiralling chains. DNA is the link that shows every living being is the same and should be respected, understood and celebrated for all our similarities, not pushed aside and neglected because of the differences. This speaks to the issues of man versus nature and man versus man. One who does not love him/her self cannot fathom the possibility to love anything else.

So let us start with ourselves. Love and appreciate ourselves and treat others ( humans regardless of race, plants, animals, etc.) the same way..because whether you like it or not, we are all from the same place of great cosmic energy running through and forming our DNA that is barely understood by many today.

Many will still speak of the intelligence factor, but who is to say what true intelligence is. How does one judge which species is most intelligent? There can be no test because we are all quite different.

This brings attention to our school system, daily life, and social groupings - if one does not follow and look like status quo, they are left to feel discarded, unworthy and without value just because he/she chooses to follow their own free flowing natural wind instead of the fan thats blowing everybody in the same direction...

Can we please SNAP the heck out of it!

Perhaps the greatest test for us all is that of acceptance. Acceptance that humans, and one specific race, are not at the top of some great feeding pool; that every specie has it's own way of being 'intellectual and schooled'; that each one of us has the right to choose; that there is no one way to be in a world of some many different creations, we all simply must learn to find and follow our own way and be at peace with each other and have understanding that each being (person,animal,plant,etc) has their own way of living in this beautiful world..

Love and respect for every being

Tora

Friday 7 February 2014

Journeys

lack of pigment or its abundance
brands winner or loser
each subjected another's opnion

In this ever spiralling concoction
watch one's inception

When all is said and done
We, every single one
created in equal dimension
have already overcome

Journeys are never the same
Unique gifts and abilities,
present as tools for spirituall exploration

all there is to do 
is shift perception
from looking back
to moving on along
to positive perception
leading us to spiritual resolution

Thursday 6 February 2014

RA-STA-FA-RI

Ra is the name of a god of eypgtian times
an ancient land and time
that still leaves us hypnotized

Sta-mina to do all that is right, just and true
that is the basis of rasta religion
who knew? Not me, and maybe not even you
We stereotype believers
condescending thinkers
have stripped rasta-fari of it's divine intentions
and left our minds thinking
not of a holistic religion
but of a dutty society
filled with misfits and marijuana smokers

A distinct misconception of a divine intervention

Fa-mily. The backbone of every being
Family is the love and light flowing from all Jah children
Fa-miliar fa-mily fa-cilitate
Jah writings and messages day by day


Ri-vival is what is coming
Jah lion is not loudly roaring
pushing nor shoving.
No, Jah has been patiently waiting
for the time of all Ri-vealing

So live on and live strong
This is my message is every RA-STA-FA-RI man and woman.

What now

What now
after a year and some days
after your smile has gone from my face

What now..
after silly fights and lies,
mistrust and twisted truths

What now..
after nighttime and daytime smiles
long talks about life

What  now
after you tear the can open..
can you replace the lid?

What now
With burning tears
I remember the summer days
those winter nights wrapped in your gaze

What now
When I swear I'm happier without you
but just can't seem to forget you

What now
When life seems to unravel
And pick up again
only to lead you back to the very beginning..

Wednesday 5 February 2014

Dark Skin, Nappy Hair

My dark skin is beautiful
my nappy hair is styled with care
that is my view of natural features
blessed I am, to share

Time travel to another place
Kings and queens have a similar face

So why I am forced to face degrading images
skin-bleached relatives and mind-shackled people
who think that their dark skin, nappy hair
is something to be traded
that it is jaded

Confused thoughts
lead people to self hatred
not only for themselves
but for anyone wearing the darkening pigment

And why the confusion?

Because we of dark complexion
and finely curled hair
must be daft, be fool
be anything but intellectual and schooled

Don't you see how we have been fooled?..

Take a look
deep in the mirror
see what you uncover
beneath bewildered stares at your hair,
turnt up noses at your clothing

Beneath all the physical woes
see the King, the Queen
ready, waiting to claim the throne

Dear Love

Dear love
won't you find me
find me like the wind does the trees
like those girls from the movies

Dear love
the tears run down my face
leaving stains like rain upon a glass pane
you've done it again
left me torn and thinking
where is this love that you show me in the movies

O dear love
I long for that great masterpiece
that love that never ends
that love you promised me in all my dreams

Dear love
will you keep eluding me
like the sun does the night
leaving me mere trails of what might
teasing me
taunting me
making me yearn for that which only you can give me

Tuesday 4 February 2014

Intentions - what are they all about?

Intentions are what form one's reality. Intentions are consciously and unconciously made by the thoughts that we have daily and the emotions that roll into them. The stronger, more vivid, the thoughts and emotions connected to the thought, the easier and more quickly the manifestation of the thought in one's physical reality.

Intentions are what many of the world's most successful, happy and fulfilled individuals have used to steer their life towards a direction that is meaningful to them. Intentions, when thoughts are unwatched and left to grow in less than nuturing atmospheres, can be quite a scare. So it is pertinent to be aware of every thought, every word spoken and every emotion. 

Ever heard the sayings, ' you get out, what you put in' or 'you reap what you sow' or 'you attract what you are' ... yea, these are real. 
Take a second and reflect on your life. Is there a few things you can pick out and say you attracted for sure?
Well it might seem a little scary or unreal, but everything floating around in our lives has been attracted by us in this physical realm or in the spiritual (ethereal).

Personally, intentions have brought me everything I've asked for and I am grarteful for everything that I have been blessed with. One of the biggest realizations I have had, is that I was manifesting the reality that other people wanted for me. I suppose we all do that some time..some manifestation pops up in your life and you wonder if this is want you really wanted and sometimes if you're really unawakened as I was, you don't wonder at all.. You don't truly understand that you are manifesting. You just have a feeling that you finally struck lucky.

My previous intentions were all about things that I believed would bring me to the center stage...things that would make me famous and rich, and be able to point at all the 'haters' and say 'look you *itches, I made it!'...ahh, young negligence. There was no understanding, like there is now, that every thing, every one and every experience has been to my own benefit. Be it a blessing or a lesson. I am now unendingly thankfull and I am still in the process of figuring it out. Although, my guides and spirit self tend to ask me to let things be. To not try to 'figure things out', let them unfold naturally.

I try, I do. But sometimes curiousity, and at times impatience, gets the best of me. See, we are eternally learning, growing, discerning and evolving. I love it. It keeps me in good faith that a 'better version' of me or a new me is right around the corner just waiting to be.

So now, I just intend to be me and follow the spiritual path that has been laid out for me with no expectations, releasing desires with the best intention that my heart's desire are already known and are already in motion to manifestation.

I intend to travel the world, helping people through sharing my life story, meditation, dance and yoga..and perhaps much more. I want to backpack through central america, visit the ancient temples and pyramids around the world, meet a mermaid - random and outlandish i know, but what's life without imagination - and live abundantly by the sea on a farm land with animals(cats, dogs, horses, rabbits, birds), inspirational dance studio - that houses classes in meditation, dance, yoga and i would love to do some energy healing. Btw, the studio also has a nature gaze outdoor balcony for relaxation and stargazing :) :) :) I believe it, i feel it and sometimes i can visualize parts of it :)  

At 27 years old, I have come to the realization that I am all that I am, I have no limits and with universal spirit grace and love I will fulfill my destiny and dreams only to return to the starland from which I came <3 

I  release the ego, I release the rational mind, I open my heart, my love and my light to all that is true. 
I open to all that is of love, abundance and joy for us all. I open myself to the higher wisdom and knowledge, higher realms of consciousness.

 I surrender to spirit within and all around me

I am full of love and light. I am confident in every thing I do , everything I think and everything I speak
I live outside the box

My 'out the box' self is there. Just a little scared to come out because of the lack of positive reinforcement to be myself when I was younger. Wasn't the easiest childhood experience. I here by allow my self to fully expand, explore and be that 'out the box', geniune and unique me that leads to undisputable creativity!!! :)

What is your intention for the day!

For those that might feel a little confused or twisted about 'letting things be' and 'setting intentions', as I was for a bit while writing this. Here is a quick explanation that should, hopefully, set things clear. 

'Letting things be' is simply letting go like I mentioned before. Allowing your divine self to lead you where your path is wanting to take you without any push, pull or interference from ego. That is why it is important to take time for self, for meditation, so that you can discern the voice of spirit and that of ego.

'Setting Intentions' is not about forcing yourself down a path..it is rather allowing yourself to be on the spiritual/ natural self path and you are simply sending an intention out to the universe that you would like something added into that path. You are not stating the how, when, where or why to the universe (although it is better to have an intention in which you are helping more than just yourself). You are letting those things be and just initializing the process by stating what you want and letting everything else be. If what you asked for comes, be gratefull. If what you asked for doesn't come, be gratefull still because something better is on the way. 

~ Love & Light to all ~

Tora